How can LOVE be unhealthy? How can something that feels so good be so bad? And how do you break away from it? I think unhealthy love is when you are in what I call the LOVE VIRUS. It’s a vicious cycle of breaking up and getting back together, breaking up and getting back together only to repeat this behavior over and over again. And, don’t be fooled, we not only can break up with someone physically, we can also break up with them emotionally. Meaning, we are still physically in the relationship, but mentally we have checked-out.

I’ve had love affairs within my own head where a man just happens to reap the benefits of my illusions. For those of you who are saying “what does that look like?” It’s all part of the LOVE VIRUS. It’s a PRETEND love affair, which feels just as good as a real one; it just takes a lot more energy and effort to maintain it. I call that the UMBRELLA SYNDROME. During this part of the LOVE VIRUS, it’s as if you are walking around with an umbrella and it’s not raining, but you THINK it is raining, so therefore you act as if it is! How crazy is that?

So, the next time you find yourself in LOVE, make sure you haven’t caught the LOVE VIRUS and experiencing the UMBRELLA SYNDROME.

AND… ALWAYS, ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. We have to learn to listen to your conscious. If we ignore that little voice within us, the voice keeps softer and softer until we can’t hear it at all.

As I mentioned on the show GOT LOVE? Below are some examples of Unhealthy Love vs. Healthy Love.

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Love:

Love: Development of self first priority.
Toxic love: Obsession with relationship.

Love: Room to grow, expand; desire for other to grow.
Toxic love: Security, comfort in sameness; intensity of need seen as proof of love – may really be fear, insecurity, loneliness.

Love: Separate interests; other friends; maintain other meaningful relationships.
Toxic love: Total involvement; limited social life; neglect old friends, interests.

Love: Compromise, negotiation or taking turns at leading. Problem solving together.
Toxic love: Power plays for control; blaming; passive or aggressive manipulation.

Love: Embracing of each other’s individuality.
Toxic love: Trying to change other to own image.

Love: Ability to enjoy solitude by being alone.
Toxic love: Unable to endure separation; clinging.

For the complete list visit: http://lightshifter.com/toxicluv.htm

Until next time, stay true to you,
Charlette

In my opinion the Stages of Relationships are somewhat of a blueprint as to what to expect and not to automatically panic; and hopefully realize that the relationship is not coming to an end, because we keep running INTO bumps in the roads. I have come to understand it is not the difference that will destroy our relationship, it is how we managed those differences. It is also about us changing and growing and evolving into a Healthy Commitment Relationship, which I believe most of us would like to experience at least once in our life time.

So, check out the Stages of Relationships below, to you know what COULD be GOING on, before you starting thinking you SHOULD be moving on.

STAGES OF RELATIONSHIPS

1. ROMANTIC LOVE

This is the love that Hollywood loves to promote as the only kind of love.  Romantic love is wonderful, easy, and effortless.   It is very spontaneous and alive. The feelings and perceptions that go through both people are that we are one; we are the same. You are perfect. I can give and receive love with little or no effort required.

2. ADJUSTING TO REALITY

Ah, reality. Inevitably, predictably, eventually, reality rears its (ugly?) head and the bubble bursts on the Romantic stage. Sometimes it is a slow leak; other times a sudden and complete blowout. But either way, something happens which causes a minor or major conflict in the new relationship. Sometimes the trigger is living together and having to share household chores and experiencing personal habits up close. Sometimes it is an act of deception which is discovered. Sometimes it is planning a wedding, buying a house, or sharing finances. Whatever the cause, after the conflict occurs, it becomes impossible to continue the fantasy that this person and this relationship are immune from struggle, from effort, from reality.

3. THE POWER STRUGGLE

As the disillusionment of the Adjusting to Reality stage deepens, the couple tends to have more disagreements. Minor issues blow up into larger arguments. Yelling appears for the first time, if it ever will. Both partners dig in their heels and defend their positions on issues fiercely. Each person digs in their heels and protects their turf. This once-tender effortless loving relationship has become a battleground and evolved into a daily Power Struggle. This is a typical stage in the development of a long-term committed relationship.

4. RE-EVALUATION

The Power Struggle is physically and emotionally draining, and if the couple can survive, they move into the next stage, of a conscious Re-Evaluation of the relationship. Whereas the original commitment one makes is typically based on projections of fantasy, this Re-Evaluation takes into account the reality and fears and defenses of each person. Do I really want to stay with this person?   You know who this person is now, you know their limitations, and you know the range of which they are capable of improving or getting better. Knowing all that, do you still want to stay? That is the question that gets answered during this stage.

5. RECONCILIATION

In this stage, after the distance of the Re-evaluation, if the relationship has survived, there is a re-awakening of interest in getting closer and connecting again. Knowing all that they know, coming from reality and not fantasy, there is a decision to have the willingness to try once again. There is an open acceptance of the conflicts and differences in the relationship, but they are approached with a different attitude: they are used as opportunities for learning about oneself and the other person. They are catalysts for growth and change. There is a recognition that the differences are real and won’t go away, and that neither person can really change the other.

6. ACCEPTANCE

The final stage in a committed relationship, which researchers estimate less than 5% of couples ever reach, is one of complete Acceptance. There is an integration of the need of the self and the needs of the relationship. Each person takes responsibility for their own needs, for their own individual lives, and also for providing support for their partner. A high level of warmth is present. The couple is able to maintain a balance between autonomy and union. Conflicts still arise on occasion, but as a result of the struggles of the previous stage, the couple has figured out how to resolve most conflicts relatively quickly.

To read the full article on the Stages of Relationships please visit the Relationship Institute at: www.relationship-institute.com

Until next time, be true to you

Charlette

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I was first introduced to MI when my son was 3 years old.  The daycare he attended worked with my son using different learning styles.  I was so impressed by his progress that I knew he would be fully prepared for the kindergarten.

Even as early as 3 years of age, my son learned best through physical movement and he thrived off of this type of learning style. However, back then I did not know he was being taught based on the Multiple Intelligence theory. I just assumed he would do well in any type of educational setting.

Much to my surprise I was totally wrong! My son has had academic challenges, difficulties and years of frustration, due to the current education system. And, its inability to adapt to the learning styles of all children/students.

It was about 6 years later; while completing my Master’s Degree in Family Life Education, I was reintroduced to Multiple Intelligence.  I fell in love with the theory all over again. I even developed a parenting program (SKILLS4LIFE) outlining the benefits and advantages of Multiple Intelligence in the classroom. 

It is my hope that one day the education system will start to focus less on what we are educating our children and more on how we are educating our children?

For more information on Multiple Intelligence please visit http://www.thomasarmstrong.com/multiple_intelligences.php 

And, don’t forget to listen our conversation on Blog Talk Radio

Listen to internet radio with Conversationalcorner on Blog Talk Radio

Research has shown that school aged children may act-out due to several different reason. I for one believe many children are Out Of Control due to lack of Emotional Control. I’m a huge fan of the theory Emotional Intelligence (EI). In short, Emotional Intelligence is basically about understanding your own emotions and the emotions of others. But, that is just my take on it.
I encourage you to listen to this short video on Emotional Intelligence for a better understanding.

Click the link below:

Be true to you,
Charlette